ARGH! - I actually started writing this blog before but then I lost all I had written somewhere between switching webpages. Alas I feel like I should try to rewrite what I wrote but also feel that I already wrote it - and maybe it was fate that the portion lost does not need to be written anymore. Whatever.
It is monday- the second day of my period. Another sign that I am in fact NOT pregnant. the sadness just hangs sometimes.. the last three days thinking maybe my period is not coming.. maybe just maybe I am misreading my body and I could actually be pregnant. But I know one week after the last procedure that I was not pregnant. My body reacts to my upcoming period in certain ways and like clockwork the signs appeared again. I could be wrong of course because when I was pregnant I of course did not notice that I was until I was waiting for my period and nothing came. Yes, I have been pregnant but I do not have any children.
I have been married for 1 1/2 now and we have been trying since we got married- we know we wanted children and we started right away since neither of us are spring chickens- I am now 34 and he is 35. I have less than 6 months before I hit that number where everything, every percentage, every chance, every hope starts going downhill. I don't even know what to think most of the time. I try not to think about it at all sometimes because I don't want to be stressed about it.
I miscarried back in November. We had gone to see the infertility doctor for a consult and were mulling over the numbers when to our surprise I was pregnant. We were so excited bu then at 6 weeks I started bleeding. At first I hoped that it was just a little.. that maybe i was spotting like some women do. My mother had told me she didn't even know she was pregnant with her first child until 4 months in because she kept having a period so she thought. But unfortunately it was not the same. I went into the urgent care and they said they could not see anything but I may be too soon in my pregnancy- They took blood work and said to comeback to my appointment that i had scheudled beofre for my 6-week check. I went in and was not looking hopeful since i had continued to bleed. I had to get mor blood work done before the appoitnment. then we went in to see the doctor. She siad she could not see anything- and then she doulcnt tell us anything becuase the bloodwork was not back in. She would not give me a straight answer - she avoided telling me or my husband anything- at times i felt that she didn't even think we were pregnatn to begin with- but i had taken the tests, i had it confirmed with the hospital. She said to call the nurse in the next day to check the results and for more information. MORE INFORMATION ON WHAT?!!
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